Weekly Quote: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon (James Neil Hollingworth)

Contemplation:

~ So what happens after validation? We know definitively that naming your feelings and owning them compassionately is a must……..but what then? How do we find the courage to attempt actions associated with new behaviors? Just yesterday, a person told me a story that reminded me of this contemplation. 

This person was taking a long walk in a forest, and they came upon a fire tower. It was at least 20 stories tall, but it seemed exciting and was open to the public, so without hesitation, the man began walking up the narrow metal-grated zig-zag stairs.  

They were steeper than they looked from the ground, and around 30 feet up, he unexpectedly noticed he was becoming very afraid. The structure was unapologetic. His heart began to race as he realized how transparent the grates in the metal were; they seemed to create an illusion of being in the air and the physical sensation of falling. Despite being on a structure, he could always see the ground below his feet and it freaked him out. He gripped the rail and stopped as if saving himself. He was on the verge of trembling. 

As he scanned the lack of solidity and structure, he thought, “No way – I’m not going – this is crazy”. He was absolute – “There is no way I can do this.” He took another breath and, like a flash, remembered his teachings about perceptions playing on fears creating realities that may or may not exist. He felt strongly enough about it to entertain the thought. “okay,” he murmured to himself, “this is a great opportunity to practice”. He checked in:

What am I feeling? 

“Fear/terror/falling/out of control”

What am I afraid of?

“What if this structure fails? It’s so high. What if I fall? I’m too old for this? Why would I take this chance? I know today is the day the stairs break for sure. Something has rotted away and this whole thing is coming down! Why does it have to be so tall?” 

Deep breath – he looked out onto the trees. Something internal was tugging at him to continue challenging these thoughts. Something internal was telling him it was time to attempt to work through a fear. And because of that…. something immediately changed…

He sat down on the cold steel stairs and took another deep breath. He employed nuance and greyness to address the black-and-white thinking and remembered that he didn’t need to go to the top all at once. He could go up one flight at a time and sit at the top of each level until he felt comfortable enough to continue. If not, he could just go back down. “Okay” he thought, “that takes some pressure off”. 

Then he questioned what the fear wanted him to believe – was it true? Was it really likely the structure that has been standing for decades was going to fall today? “Not likely” he shared to himself as he inspected the bolts of the spine deeming them fit for duty. Was it really likely that he would fall from any consequential height? “now that I look around, I don’t even see how that would be possible given the rails, stairs, and shape of things”..then man took another breath “huh” he thought, as he got up and climbed another section sitting at the top stair of that section. Now he was above the trees looking outward towards the river. His vision was changing now as the next thought came. 

How would I feel if I made it to the top?

“I would feel proud of myself,” he thought. The man instantly felt like it was important to have autonomy and agency over his fear. He found himself not wanting to let fear decide his actions. Defiantly, he took a medium breath, got up, and climbed another section. He sat at the top of that section and saw a farmhouse in the distance, some cows, and a bridge far down the river. Instead of breathing to calm down, the man breathed into the view. “wow,” he thought, “I want to know what it feels like to get through this”. . 

The man peeked down – not a great idea – a wave of fear ran through him. With a few sections to the top, he then employed visualization and pictured himself at the top. He saw himself smiling and proud, and he looked forward to telling people this amazing story of perseverance and fortitude. He wanted a picture at the top to remind himself of this moment. 

He climbed the last few sections and reached the little house at the top. It was very secure. He was high above the trees and could see for miles and miles. His view was expanded. It was over – he did it. He remembered how sure he was that this moment would be impossible just a little while earlier. And now he gazed upon the world in diligence and doggedness. He took a picture and sent it to his friend. He felt proud of himself. He wondered what else was possible…

Tip for the Week:

~  Validation is necessary, but without putting it into action, you may find yourself rationalizing the illusion of progress. What’s the next step? Even if it’s tiny, it’s still progress. How can you challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone while at the same time supporting yourself compassionately? Cognitive distortions are the very voice of addiction. They use fear and cloudiness as a way to get you to stay stuck. Challenge them. Trust yourself. Ask for help. Gain perspective – sometimes, it requires us to climb a little.