By 

Andrew John Tucker, LCSW, CASAC 

“Self Esteem is the immune system of the mind” ~ Dr. Nathaniel Branden

Introduction 

I remember a few years ago, I was scrolling around one of the brain-sucking media killers, and out of the mist of meaningless memes appeared the one and only – Ms. Maya Angelou; in all her glory on some TV program (please write me if you know which one) talking about her life experience and writings. Her presence, of course, was formative to all who were witnessing this rare opportunity (she could change someone’s life just by reading the menu at Denny’s). As she gracefully accepted questions from the audience, a well-meaning young woman, clearly cognizant of the depth of the moment, leaned into the mic. She said, “I wanted to ask Maya her views on racial relationships.”  Ms. Angelou cordially, in the most dignified way possible (almost as if she were telling the young lady her shoe was untied) responded, “ oh, thank you, and first, I’m Ms. Angelou” (tilts head down 5 degrees gazing through the top of her brow). 

Point……taken….the young lady immediately corrected herself, and “Ms. Angelou” further explained, “Im not Maya – I’m 62 years old. I have lived so long and tried so hard that a young woman like you or any other has no license to come up to me and call me by my first name”.

YAHTZEE! 

Self-Esteem Master Class complete. Unapologetic sense of self? Attained. As it turns out, dignity and self-respect are not granted by any authority other than our own. And that’s the point, isn’t it?  

Self-esteem is a term used to describe a person’s overall sense of worth. It refers to the extent to which someone values themselves, their abilities, and their accomplishments. People with high self-esteem typically have a favorable view of themselves and feel confident in their abilities. In contrast, a person with low self-esteem may feel inadequate, insecure, or unworthy. Many factors, including upbringing, life experiences, social interactions, and personal beliefs, can influence self-esteem. It is also a pervasive factor in Substance Use Disorder. And why wouldn’t it be? Addiction is a shame and guilt-based disease that uses the dirty tricks of obsession and compulsion to get people to do degrading things they would never usually do under different circumstances. It’s an illness that has people moving the boundary line lower and lower as the consequences get greater and greater. Not exactly a recipe for feeling good about yourself. We’re going to need a bigger boat for that…..

I often find my hope in recovery lies in its diversity. It can come in so many ways for various people, and sometimes it presents in a piece of writing that captures the acknowledgment of the fight and then delivers the confidence to overcome. Ms. Angelou is one of those messengers for me – among others. This piece in particular, has always been a stand-up to the bully moment for me. Recovery will persevere despite its supposed judgment by others. We dare. We rise despite it. No matter how scared we may be. I continue to find after everything, that my fear of the future is often dampened by the great reminders of the past. And with that…..we humbly present…..

Still I Rise

By 

Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

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If you or a loved one would like guidance in practicing these techniques or is experiencing substance misuse, depression, or anxiety – call or text for a free 15-minute consultation. 646-504-6212.