Introduction

As a former Stage Manager, I remember the most hair-raising and challenging time of the rehearsal process was “tech week.” Tech week is when the actors and production team move out of the rehearsal hall and into the theatre adding all the technical elements together to open for the public. The script, songs, musicians, set pieces, light and sound cues, fire, water, high wire acts, animals, children, and my dedicated crew. We usually only had a couple of long days to do it, and there was plenty to worry about. Sometimes it was even dangerous. It felt like throwing a parachute from a plane, counting to five, then jumping out to dive after it. Often the transitions between scenes required more than one try to get right, and It took time to reset while we diagnosed and treated the issue. There were plenty of false starts and much standing around until it was time to jump out of the plane again. Occasionally we tried to force a result that wouldn’t yield, and it blew up in our faces. Other times it turned out differently than we had planned but far more valuable. What did Bob Ross call it? Right….” happy accidents.” It was agonizing and beautiful all at the same time. We lived and breathed, “hurry up and wait,” and the payoff was something I will never regret, despite all the necessary worry that tagged along. 

Welcome to the Club 

We have often spoken in groups and sessions about frequently bumping up against a hard truth that states, “the only way around is through.” That is to say, some things must be dealt with head-on—things like time and lack of control. Situations have their own math, and we don’t always know the answer. It’s complicated when we love the thing or work hard on it, but….. we have to wait, and there is no guarantee it will work out the way we want. Life on life’s terms doesn’t necessarily care what I think – we are bound by it, and the more we worry, the slower time gets. The mind can slip further into anxiety, and we are reminded that cognitive distortion is a great performer and can lure us into a Jim Jones zombie trance toward a Kool-aid that doesn’t exist. We tell ourselves stories as we try to “figure it out” – we review the possibilities in an attempt to control…..something. Our rational mind tries to slip our emotional mind a note saying that we are being held hostage and need to get the hell out of Jonestown.

We all do it in some way or another. Fretting over an outcome can create a sense of uncertainty, increase anxiety, and leave us feeling vulnerable and exhausted. Welcome to the club. 

Worry has been around since the first caveperson didn’t know where their next meal was coming from. But even they were working with something deep inside that we continue to carry with us today. The primal reason for worry is often related to the human instinct to survive. Worry has a purpose. It is a mechanism that allows us to anticipate potential threats and dangers and to take steps to prepare and protect ourselves. It is known as “fight or flight”; a physiological reaction to a perceived danger that prepares our bodies to respond to a threat. When we worry, our minds try to identify potential risks and hazards and devise ways to avoid or mitigate them. This natural and necessary function has helped humans survive throughout history. 

But this isn’t just about fighting a dinosaur or another caveperson trying to steal your cave. The “fight or flight” response can also be a physio-emotional reaction. When the response is activated, it causes the release of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and nervousness. We may become more sensitive to anger and disgust and less sensitive to positive emotions such as happiness and contentment. 

Additionally, the fight-or-flight response can lead to changes in our thought patterns leading to distortions. Hypervigilance, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, and “should” statements may forecast a false future yet to arrive and reveal its true nature leading to disappointment and resentment. The response can also lead to rumination, which is the repetitive thinking about past, present, or future adverse events. In this way, worry can cross over into unhealthy anxiety that should be discussed with a therapist or trusted person, alleviating its progress and giving it outlet and perspective. We know it’s time to talk to someone or take self-care measures when our daily functioning begins to decline. Losing sleep, eating poorly or not eating at all, missing work, intrusive thoughts, and not washing are all indicators of needing a lifeline. 

How to Worry Well 

As strange as it sounds, there can be a beauty to worry. Worrying about things that matter to us, such as our family, friends, and work, are all signs we dare to invest. It says that we care enough to get worked up about it – to notice or have concern for something or someone we want to protect. It’s an indication that something is important. We can feel it’s void if someone doesn’t worry about us sometimes. Worry can be a real gesture of love and proof that I have skin in the game. Worry cannot, however, be eliminated entirely, and I’m not sure I would if I had the chance. 

If you do find the palms sweating, the voice tightening, and the thoughts racing, there are some actions to take. It starts with identification. Giving ourselves a break and owning our feelings brings some control into play as opposed to feeling like something is being done to us. Identification can also help us to make better decisions, as it allows us to consider the emotional impact of a situation. It can also help to understand our needs and boundaries better. Here are seven more tips and tricks to manage worry. 

1. Mindfulness and deep breathing exercises can help you stay present in the moment and manage feelings of anxiety. Just consciously breathing alone can help to lower blood pressure, reduce stress, improve lung function, and increase feelings of relaxation and well-being.
2. Keeping a worry journal can help you to identify patterns in your worrying and find ways to manage and reduce them. Some people like to write down their worries and put them in a box for some other force to deal with. In this way, we might start the process of letting go of the worry. 
3. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation or yoga can help reduce anxiety symptoms and promote a sense of calm.
4. Engaging in physical activity or exercise can help to release pent-up energy and improve overall mood.
5. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you develop healthy coping strategies, process difficult emotions, and gain insight into the underlying causes of your worries.
6. Setting boundaries with your thoughts. Learn to recognize when you’re worrying and practice redirecting your thoughts to something more positive or productive.
7. Practicing positive self-talk and affirmations can help to counteract negative thoughts and build self-confidence.

It’s important to remember that coping skills work differently for different people, and what works for one may not work for another. I do a morning ritual that processes email, calendar, and time block my intentions for the day. However, before I walk down those stairs into the world, I end my morning ritual with yoga and meditation so I can start with a soft grin and gaze as I start my day. I use Insight Timer, a fantastic app that offers the time and type of meditation I’m looking for in the moment. Find what works for you and practice it regularly. By making choices about managing our emotions, we gain more control of them. Finding the right coping skills for you may take some time, but you can learn to manage your worries with patience and persistence. I wish you well – and take care of yourself. 

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If you or a loved one is experiencing substance misuse, depression, or anxiety and has been considering therapy – call or text for a free 15-minute consultation. 646-504-6212.